Mar. 4th: Hey Alison, meet Alison!

You know how most people have those moments when they ask themselves "Who am I?" ... For some reason I don't really ever remember having that moment.  Perhaps because my parents helped me answer the question before I even knew I should be asking it.  As soon as they noticed that I was not enjoying the athletic extracurriculars that my brothers so often enjoyed, they decided to totally switch things up for me and put me into acting classes.  And almost as soon as they made their adjustment, I felt like I had found my calling.  Theatre was a great way to celebrate my inherent awkwardness and play with it in such a way that I could be goofy, immature, and nerdy and become absolutely confident about being those things.  Obviously I've grown up over the years and have 'matured' to some extent, but for some reason I thought that the major soul-searching questions were over.  Turns out, I was completely wrong.

In my improv workshop we had one-on-ones and it had come to my attention that I need to be more confident and positive about my performances.  ... Anyone else seeing the irony here?  Yes, I was actually told that I need to be able to see the silver lining after a bad performance.  And I couldn't have received better advice.  In the end it kind of boils down to "Don't be so hard on yourself" which on its own is actually terrible advice.  You might as well say "Don't be sad." ... Thanks tips!  But to hear that I needed to acknowledge the positive was the advice I needed to hear, and yet feel like I abide by in most areas of my life.  Just not my own personal endeavours it seems.  Lesson learned!

Then in the afternoon it was proven once again that I am actually far more Christian than I let on to be.  I still have a lot of issues with religion and the idea of labeling myself as anything, but I have to say that the more I sing gospel songs, the more I get it.  I AM a believer.  I DO love Jesus.  And I WANT to be the person we sing about.  I want to be the person who still has their joy, who holds on when they can't get up, who needs the shackles of their feet so they can dance and praise.  If Checo were a pastor I'd be at church every Sunday, because it is through him that I feel the presence of the Lord.  And I can honestly say that I never thought I'd say that!  

Who the heck am I?  Well clearly I still have some work to do to actually figure that out.  But I'm sure that I look forward knowing a bit more about this person, because what I know already is pretty darn awesome!